


In Sickness and In Health (Elsanna Week)

by therewillbesparkles



Category: Frozen (2013)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Army, Children, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Married Couple, Married Life, Military, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-17
Updated: 2015-11-17
Packaged: 2018-05-02 02:32:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 18,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5230514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/therewillbesparkles/pseuds/therewillbesparkles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This was what it meant to marry Anna. She knew that, she didn't care, she loved Anna too much to care. Didn't make it any less difficult. (Written for Elsanna Week February 2015)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Wedding Day

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Finally uploading stuff up here. This was written back in February for the Elsanna Week at the time. I was gonna upload it one chapter at a time. However, since it's been finished for uh... well, almost a whole year now, I figured I might as well upload the whole thing. Anyways, hope you guys enjoy!
> 
> Chapter Warnings: None.

“Are you ready, Elsa?”

Elsa turned to face Kai; he stood proudly, dressed up to the nines, his head held high. His warm smile helped to soothe her frayed nerves.

“Yes, I’m ready.”

She took his offered arm, wrapping her fingers around the crook of his elbow, and took a deep breath as they faced the doors, beyond which everyone else waited. When he leaned in to open them, Elsa felt her breath catch. Her heart raced, nerves alighted all along her spine, and she felt as if it was all going to explode somewhere in her chest. Kai must have heard, because he paused before reaching the door handle, turning to look at her.

“Are you alright?”

“Yes, just... just nerves.”

Kai smiled tenderly and patted her hand. “Understandable. This is a big day for you.” He turned back to open the doors and this time did not falter. “Gerda had them, too.”

Elsa would have responded to that but any sound was silenced as she caught sight of _her—_ hands clasped behind her back and eyes looking down at her shoes, a harsh blush flaring across her cheeks. Elsa smiled.

They took their first few steps.

The room was small, and not many people were there. She and Anna had insisted on a small gathering. There was no need for a big fancy wedding, not when there were only a handful of people in their lives who mattered enough to care. Anna’s fellow soldiers and Elsa’s friends took their places on either side, the men in their dress blues and the women in beautiful flowing dresses—Rapunzel looking especially extravagant as maid of honor and Kristoff dashing as best man. They all had such vibrant, excited smiles gracing their faces, but Elsa only had eyes for one smile.

Anna stood there, energy radiating like heatwaves. She was wearing her dress blues, flawless in appearance as always, and her hair was pulled back in an elegant bun, a braid of her hair running across in front. It was a little startling to see Anna wearing make-up—she hadn’t worn make-up in quite a few years, since they first started dating—and somehow she was even more beautiful than she already was. She stood tall and proud, face calm and serene, but Elsa knew on the inside she was a storm of emotions much like herself.

The thought warmed Elsa’s heart and set it racing even faster.

“Thank you for coming, Kai.” she whispered as they walked down the aisle.

“Of course, it’s the least I could do.” Kai chuckled and patted her hand once more. “You know Gerda would have loved to be here, too.”

Elsa felt her heart clench and she had to swallow the sudden wave of emotion that threatened to spill forth. She only nodded, taking one more deep breath as they approached the end of the aisle and Kai let her go.

Elsa walked up the steps of the dais and took Anna’s hand as she offered it to her. Despite Anna’s attempt at a calm demeanor, her hand was trembling, and Elsa gave it a gentle squeeze in an attempt to soothe her. They looked at each other, and some kind of emotion sparked in Anna’s eyes. Her smile grew bigger and she led her soon-to-be-wife up to where they would say their vows.

The celebrant cleared his throat to begin speaking and an even greater hush settled over everyone.

“Friends, we have gathered here today for a very special occasion—to celebrate the bond of these two individuals, a bond of love impenetrable and ever-lasting. Though there have been many hardships they have faced, and many hardships they may have yet to face, here they stand before me, driven by their caring for one another, their devotion to one another, ready to declare their love eternal.

Now, this is a small assortment of guests to be sure, but one I think is stronger for it. The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb, they say, and all these proud and smiling faces prove it true. It means a lot to them to see the ones they care about stand at their sides, to help lead them into this next chapter of their lives together.”

A whirlwind of emotions threatened to tear through Elsa as the celebrant continued to speak. Anna stood stock-still to her side, ever the soldier, despite the trembling in her hands. She clenched them into fists, gripping Elsa’s hands tightly. Elsa winced but only rubbed her thumbs over the back of her hands, and Anna visibly relaxed. She smiled gratefully, ducking her head in embarrassment, but quickly regained her composure and straightened herself. Tall, determined, but every emotion imaginable bleeding through her eyes. Elsa fell in love with her all over again.

“And now the two brides would like to read a wedding prayer. This ancient Hawaiian wedding prayer they have chosen they feel reflects their love for one another best, and I could not agree more.”

Anna’s face flushed red with embarrassment as all eyes settled on her, and she cleared her throat, words catching momentarily as she started.

“B-b-before we met, you and I were halves unjoined except in the wide rivers of our minds. W-we were each other’s distant shore, the opposite wings of a bird, the other half of a seashell. We... we did not know each other then, d-did not know our determination to keep alive the cry of one riverbank to the other. We were apart, yet... connected in our ignorance of each other, l-like two apples sharing a common tree. Remember?”

Elsa smiled and spoke her part.

“I knew you existed long before you understood my desire to join my freedom to yours. Our paths collided long enough for our indecision to be swallowed up by the greater need of love. When you came to me, the sun surged towards the earth and the moon escaped from darkness to bless the union of two spirits, so alike that the creator had designed them for life’s endless circle.”

Their hold on one another tightened, and their voices became one.

“Beloved partner, keeper of my heart’s odd secrets, clothed in summer blossoms so the icy hand of winter never reaches us. I thank your patience. Our joining is like a tree to earth, a cloud to sky and even more. We are the reason the world can laugh on its battlefields and rise from the ashes of its selfishness to hear me say, in this time, this place, this way—I love you best of all.”

Elsa could see the well of emotion in Anna’s eyes, feel it sting her own, and the two could not look at anybody else but each other. There was nobody else, no other world but their own. In that moment, they were all that existed, the rest of the world drowned out by Anna’s beauty and her own burning love.

Anna startled out of her reverie when the celebrant cleared his throat and she stared at him, dazed, blinking. He pointed to his ring finger and Anna’s face burned with embarrassment again.

“Oh—oh! Right.” She fished into her pocket for the ring, frowned, and then searched her other pocket. And then she froze, eyes wide and lips pursed tight in panic.

Elsa sighed.

“You forgot the ring?”

“No!” Her voice was trembling, her hands shaking, and she continued frantically searching the pockets as if expecting some sort of magic trick would make the ring reappear. “I... I-I had it in my pocket, I made sure before you got here, I—”

There was a small sound between a cough and a chuckle.

Anna turned on the spot, face flushed red with anger, as she glared down Kristoff, who was doing his very best at not breaking down into laughter—and failing miserably at that. He reached into his own pocket and took out the box with the ring on it, flicking it open. “I’m sorry, I couldn’t resist... the look on your face was... absolutely _priceless._ ”

If Anna wasn’t doing a good enough job of glaring him into the floor, Elsa would have reprimanded him but she only shook her head. She watched her wife-to-be snatch the ring from their best man, eyes full of rage and promising comeuppance before turning back to Elsa, taking a deep and calming breath, and taking the ring before slipping the box into her pocket. She gently took Elsa’s hand and prepared to slide the ring onto her finger.

While the celebrant spoke, Anna’s voice was all she heard.

“I, Anna Bjorgman, take you, Elsa Arendelle, to be my beloved wife, to have and to hold you, to honor you, to treasure you, to be at your side in sorrow and in joy, in the good times, and in the bad, and to love and cherish you always. I promise you this from my heart, for all the days of my life.”

Anna slid the ring onto Elsa’s finger.

“I, Elsa Arendelle, take you, Anna Bjorgman, to be my beloved wife, to have and to hold you, to honor you, to treasure you, to be at your side in sorrow and in joy, in the good times, and in the bad, and to love and cherish you always. I promise you this from my heart, for all the days of my life.”

“By the powers vested in me by the State of California, I now pronounce you married. You may kiss your wife.”

At once, the emotions spilled forth, and Elsa’s vision became stained with tears, but she could still make out the beautiful smile of her wife as they both leaned forward and kissed.

* * *

Anna and Elsa were only fairly drunk when they were dropped off at their new house.

Anna jumped out of the limo and picked Elsa up out of her seat. Giggling, the newlyweds waved goodbye to the driver before making their way up the steps to the front door.

“Please tell me you have the key.”

Anna huffed. “Of course I have the key! Why wouldn’t I have the key?”

“ _Weeelll_ , you didn’t have the ring.”

“That was _not_ my fault, that was all Kristoff’s doing, that sneaky—”

Elsa laughed and Anna’s face grew even more red, from the tips of her ears to the back of her neck. Elsa nuzzled the side of her face and kissed her cheek. “You’re so adorable when you get embarrassed.”

“Sh-shut up! I’m not embarrassed...”

Anna unlocked the door with key in one hand and then kicked it open with a flourish, proclaiming, “Ta-da!” as they entered their home. It was small but lovely—perfect for the two of them. Anna carried Elsa over the threshold, smiling and whooping with glee as she leaned down to kiss her wife on the lips.

“I can’t believe I can finally do this...”

“Well, believe it,” Elsa mumbled against Anna’s smile, kissing her back, “because you’re stuck with me.”

“Oh no,” Anna threw her head back dramatically and Elsa laughed, “how _ever_ will I survive?”

“I’m sure you can handle it,” Elsa snuggled up to her, tucking under Anna’s chin and laying a light kiss to her neck. “You’re my big brave army girl.”

“Hm, I suppose I didn’t suffer through basic training for nothing.”

“Hey!”

They laughed and bickered some more as they made their way down the hall and to their bedroom. Anna gently lowered Elsa down into the bed and leaned down for another kiss, longer and far more passionate. She cupped Elsa’s face, ran her fingers through silky blonde hair as she felt Elsa shiver underneath her. Hands tugged gently but impatiently at her uniform, and soon they were both undressed, lying in bed, their bodies moving together as they kissed and caressed.

Anna broke from the kiss, her lungs burning with the need for air, chest heaving, and drank in the sight of her beautiful wife. Elsa’s head was tipped back, her eyes closed, her lips parted, and her hair a cascade of gold that flowed over their pillows. The look of absolute bliss on her face sent Anna’s own heart leaping in joy.

“I love you, Elsa.”

“I love you, Anna.”

They spent the rest of the night wrapped in each other’s arms.

 


	2. First Child

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warnings: None.

It was exactly 00:30 when Anna’s plane finally landed.

She straightened in her seat, resisting the urge to stretch out her stiff limbs in the small space. The man next to her smiled apologetically, and she smiled back, hoping that the dull look in her eyes didn’t give him the wrong message. It didn’t seem to, and as the rest of the passengers moved as patiently and orderly as passengers on a plane past midnight could, he made sure to quicken his own efforts to keep her from waiting too long.

She really appreciated it.

Anna took her bags, left the plane, and made her way into the airport. She groaned. She wasn’t looking forward to any more waiting on her feet as she fought off the rising wave of anxiety _and_ complete exhaustion. But at least the first thing to greet her back home was her big brother, smiling his crooked grin and holding out a bag of McDonald’s for her.

“You’re a life saver,” she said as she traded a bag over for the hot meal.

“It’s what I do,” Kristoff responded as he threw the bag his shoulder. He looked her over, smiled and said, “You look awful.”

“Thanks, Kris. You, too.”

He shrugged. “Probably. I haven’t had a good look in the mirror lately.”

“Probably because it cracked when you stood in front of it.”

Kristoff shouldered her a bit too roughly for her exhausted state of mind and she almost flopped down onto the ground. She would have lain there forever, too. Instead, she wobbled dangerously before righting herself and shoving her brother right back. He was too big to knock down but he did teeter a bit and Anna felt satisfied with that.

“You ready to go?”

Anna felt the smile drop from her face and the food turned to ash in her mouth. She chewed the rest of it slowly, mechanically, before swallowing and nodding. “Yeah, let’s go.” She had to work hard to gets the word out, and even then, her voice left as a rasp.

Kristoff wrapped her in a one-armed bear hug that only someone of his size could pull off. “Don’t worry, Feisty Pants, everything’s alright. Elsa’s even more cranky than usual, but I guess that’s to be expected.”

Anna would have reprimanded him but the wave of anxiety had returned and she was too focused on regulating her breathing so she didn’t pass out in the middle of the airport. That’d be one way to have a homecoming—ending her deployment only to have a panic attack and pass out mere minutes after her flight landed because she was too scared of seeing her goddamn kid. Thank god for Kristoff supporting her because otherwise she wouldn’t have been able to move her legs.

“Have you seen him?”

“Of course,” Kristoff said nonchalantly, and Anna felt her insides twist with guilt. “Otherwise I’d be a pretty shitty uncle.” He laughed, but trailed off when he noticed Anna’s glum silence. Clearing his throat, he rubbed the back of his neck once before returning his arm around Anna’s shoulders. “I didn’t mean it like that, sorry. You’ve got nothing to worry about, though, little sis—you’ll be a great mother.”

“Kristoff, I don’t know the first thing about raising a kid.”

“Does _anyone_ who’s a first-time parent know—okay, maybe this is the wrong thing for me to say, but still—”

“I’m the wrong person to be a parent, Kristoff, I’ve only _seen_ him through pictures, and that was months ago. And how often will I be around for him anyways? I mean...” Anna bit her lip, shoulders rising to her ears. “Is he even going to see me as a mother?”

Kristoff sighed, running a hand through his hair. “I’m sure it’s gonna be scary shit at first, but you’ll get the handle of it. And Elsa will, too. I know that sounds really shitty—I’ve never been good at giving advice. But just... hang in there. Things will fall into place.”

Anna bit her lip, her brow furrowing. She fiddled with the hem of her uniform before taking her cap off and running a trembling hand through her strawberry-blonde hair, mussing up her otherwise perfect bun. Sighing, her whole body shaking, her mouth dry, she only nodded and followed after Kristoff.

The rest of their time in the airport passed by without much else to comment on. Anna was lost in her thoughts and Kristoff seemed to deem it best to not intervene. Still, he would send her an encouraging smile, or hug her tight, and that gradually lifted her spirits up every time. By the time they got out into the parking lot about thirty minutes later, she was feeling well enough to try and psyche herself up.

 _You can do this, Bjorgman. You were ready... you were_ born _ready._

Anna slid into the passenger seat, closed the door, and buckled herself in—and almost immediately fell asleep.

* * *

Anna wasn’t sure what woke her up but all of a sudden she was aware of everything.

Her brother’s truck hummed as it came to a gradual stop. She could hear Kristoff set the gears into park and the shift of clothing as he turned to gently shake her awake. His hand gently touched her shoulder and she opened her eyes.

“Anna? You awake, Sis?”

Her eyes fluttered, and she could feel herself nod off. Fighting off the need for more sleep, Anna shook her head a bit, smacking her lips as she mumbled, “We home yet?”

“Yeah, you’re home. You want me to walk you in?”

It sounded awfully tempting but there was this feeling in the pit of her gut that gave Anna reason to pause. Reality started to sink back in as she scrounged around for the reason behind her hesitance and once it hit her, she was wide awake.

She yawned, stretched, cleared her throat. Shaking her head as she sat up, Anna flashed Kristoff a crooked grin. “No thanks, Bro, I got this. Besides, Elsa probably needs help with the... with the baby.”

_Baby._

Kristoff nodded, smiling tenderly. “Alright. You guys call though, if you need anything. Knowing me, I’ll probably be up. Got a few projects to work on anyways.”

“You and your computers...” Anna tried to slap his hand away when he went to shove her but instead her entire body was shoved into the door. “Ow... Kris...” She rubbed her shoulder. “I’m sore enough already.

“Sorry, Feisty Pants.” He nodded towards the home that awaited her. “You better get in there. I’ll head over in the morning, alright?”

Anna looked over at the silent house. She could see one light still on. She took a deep breath, nodded. “Alright.”

 _Like I said... I was_ born _ready._

Anna got out of the truck, grabbing all her bags and shutting the door behind her with her foot. She waved Kristoff off as best as she could with both hands full, then marched her way to the front door, listening to the engine of her brother’s truck roar to life as he drove off. And then she was alone, standing on the dark front porch.

_Here we go._

Anna was immediately greeted with the loud wails of a crying baby and her wife’s voice humming a soothing melody. It seemed Elsa didn’t hear Anna open and shut the door—and Anna didn’t really expect her to. Her heart was sent racing at the sound of a screaming crying infant, and her wave of anxiety returned. She stood there in the entryway, taking several deep breaths.

She dropped her bags by the front door and made her way down the hallway. The crying got louder as she neared their bedroom, and she could hear exhaustion in her wife’s voice as she practically _begged_ their son to go back to sleep.

“Please, Olaf, _please sleep,_ Mommy’s so tired...”

Judging by the renewed vigor in his screaming, Olaf didn’t intend to go to bed any time soon, Mommy’s exhaustion be damned.

_Okay, Anna, suck it up and go save your wife._

But Anna was frozen in front of the bedroom door. Her hands trembled but something else was welling up inside of her. Something sentimental and teary-eyed that made it hard to swallow the lump in her throat. Her heart was racing and now she could say it wasn’t just nerves. It was something else.

It was like waiting to see Elsa in her wedding dress all over again.

Anna held her breath as she raised a trembling hand to the door.

_knock knock knock-knock knock_

“Elsa?”

She pushed the door open and saw her standing there across the room. Moonlight filtered in through the window into the emptied crib, and Elsa stood next to it, entire body seeming to sag with an invisible weight. Or maybe not entirely invisible, she thought as she watched her wife turn around slowly and she saw the crying baby in her trembling arms.

Elsa was staring at her now, face drawn and tired, dark circles lining her eyes. She looked like she was about to collapse any moment. But Anna’s attention was, for the first time in forever, drawn away from her wife and focusing, instead, on the baby she held.

“Anna... you’re home, you’re finally home...”

She sent Elsa a crooked smile, not taking her eyes off of Olaf. Her heart was racing. “Do you need help?” She walked forward, arms outstretched. How on earth was she acting so calm? How did her voice not tremble, her hands not shake? How was she not collapsing into the floor that very minute?

“Please... I fed him, and changed him... and he _won’t stop crying..._ ”

Anna gently took Olaf from Elsa’s arms. Cradling him, softly, every voice in her head screaming at her that she was messing everything up, _don’t mess this up, support his head, you’ve gone over this several times before, you can do this,_ and she watched his face scrunch up as her erupted into more wailing.

“Hey... no more crying. Mama’s here. I’m here.”

Olaf quieted for a second, as if he could sense something different. He hiccoughed, his little hands flailing, his body trembling, and then his mouth stretched wide as he continued to cry.

“Shh... it’s okay, Mama’s here. Mama’s got you.”

The crying did not stop but it did seem to lessen, as Anna continued to hold him. A radiant smile grew on Anna’s face.

“Elsa... he’s... he’s so precious... he’s—”

When Anna turned her head to look at her wife, she found her sprawled on top of the covers, fast asleep and snoring lightly. Her whole body seemed at ease, the look on her face peaceful.

_Oh._

_Poor Elsa..._

She tried to suppress a grin, but the emotions welled forth, and she couldn’t help but laugh. Olaf was crying a little louder in her arms.

“Don’t worry, little one, I’m here. I’ll always be here.”

Anna hummed a melody, rocking back and forth in a gentle rhythm, and watched her son eventually drift off to sleep.


	3. Strained Marriage

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warnings: Elsa's parents are pieces of shit.

Elsa could tell Anna was in a foul mood the moment she laid eyes on her.

The younger woman was sitting on the couch, slouched up against the armrest. Anna was resting her cheek against her palm while her other hand picked at a frayed end of the couch cushion. Sea-green eyes were downcast, not seeming to actually be looking at anything, and her jaw was tense. Her body was taut, stretched thin, yet radiating with energy. She was visibly struggling to keep her breathing steady, betraying the anger she felt.

When Elsa closed the door, Anna didn’t react.

Elsa sighed and took her shoes off, placing them in the corner. She watched Olaf set down his bag of toys as he leaned down to do the same. Anna still refused to look up and acknowledge them. But when Olaf picked up his bag and promptly ran up to her, her hand stilled and she tensed up even further.

“Mama!” He plopped down next to her on the couch, shoving his bag of goodies into her lap. “Look at what Nana and Papa got me!”

Anna’s face twitched and her lips formed a thin smile. She gave the toys in the bag the most cursory of glances. “Very nice, Olaf.”

Her voice held no mirth. It sounded hollow.

“C’mon, Mama, let’s go and play!”

_Oh no._

Anna’s eyes hardened, face paling further and jaw clenching tighter. Elsa cleared her throat and walked forward, ignoring the look of fire that was now directed at her. “Olaf, why don’t you take your toys to your room and set them up? Mama’s tired.”

Olaf looked between them, once, twice, and then nodded solemnly as he took the bag and dashed off down the hallway to his room. As soon as his door closed, the tension in the room rose until Elsa felt as if she were suffocating from it. A shiver ran up her spine, her shoulders rising, hands twitching as she wrung them together.

“So.”

Elsa turned around slowly and looked down at Anna. She hadn’t moved an inch from her spot, staring up at Elsa with a raised eyebrow and a crooked grin. Her entire body seemed to move with her harsh breathing and Elsa could feel the boiling anger rising to the service.

“How was it over there?”

Elsa shook her head and walked into the kitchen. Behind her, Anna laughed.

“That bad, huh?”

“And how have you been?”

“Oh, I’ve been great! I got to sit around the house all by myself. I went for a few walks, played some video games, watched some tv. The usual. It’s great to be home, all alone, you know. For three days. That’s what I look forward to the most when I get off deployment.”

Elsa bit the inside of her cheek and reached toward the sink. She turned one of the knobs but nothing happened.

“Also, the sink is broken.”

Elsa sighed, retracting her hand. “I’ll call a plumber then.”

“It’s probably going to be expensive. You should ask your father if he’s willing to spot us.”

Elsa turned sharply and stared Anna down. She had turned in her seat, leaning with her arms crossed over the back and her head resting on her hands. She had the widest, fakest smile Elsa had ever seen.

“My father’s not going to lend us money, Anna.”

“Of course not. Why would he ever help us out?”

Elsa leaned against the counter and took deep breaths. She could feel Anna’s eyes boring into her, pushed the feeling away. She had to remain calm.

_In—and out, in—and out, 10, breathe, 9, breathe, 8—_

“You seem tense, _dear._ Are the Muggles getting you down again? Should _I_ make dinner tonight? I know I can’t cook, as your mother kindly reminds you every chance she gets, but I’m sure you’ll find microwaved leftover take-out much more suitable to your tastes after the past few days.”

“No, Anna, thank you, but I’m not hungry.”

“I can’t imagine why you would be.”

 _We are_ not _doing this again._

“What do you think they would do if I just showed up one day? Could you imagine the looks on their faces? Oh man, that’d be _hilarious._ Do you think they’d still try to ignore me? Heh... _‘There is no Anna Bjorgman in Ba Sing Se.’_ ”

“ _Enough_ , Anna.”

“It’s okay, I wouldn’t show up even if you paid me. I can’t imagine what that’s like, having to listen to two bureaucratic assholes talk shit all day. What a joke. I bet Hans shows up _all_ the time.”

“I said, _enough!_ ”

The sudden wave of anger left Elsa reeling and she brought a hand to her temple.

“We are _not_ doing this again, Anna.”

Anna’s jaw snapped shut and whatever she had left to say got lost in her anger. Instead she turned around and stared at the wall.

“Fine.” Anna’s voice was shaking. “Just ignore it. You always do.”

“As opposed to you?” She could sense Anna bristling but she didn’t stop. She couldn’t stop. “I’m not the only one at fault here, Anna. You know how much it hurts Olaf when he tries to show you his new toys and you just dismiss him? You could at least _try_ to humor him.”

“Oh! Is that what you’re calling it now? No big deal, right, his grandparents actively trying to push one of his mothers out of his life and trying to endear him to them. Let’s just lie to him, pretend nothing bad is going on.” Anna scoffed, running her hand through her hair. “Just _humor_ him.”

Elsa swallowed. She stormed over to the living room and turned to face Anna. The glare sent her way turned her anger bitter and cold.

“That’s not what I meant and you know that.”

“Then what _do_ you mean, Elsa? Because it sounds to me like—”

“Anna, please, I know you’re upset—”

“Upset? _Upset?_ ” Anna shot up from the couch, hands balled into fists, eyes wild, and Elsa couldn’t help but take a few steps back. “I’m not _upset_ , Elsa, I’m _fucking livid._ ”

“Anna, they’re the only grandparents he has, even you had said—”

“I said I _wish_ he had grandparents to have a relationship with, did you _really_ think this is what I meant by that?!”

“Anna, they _beg_ me to see him every chance they get, _you_ don’t have to read the letters they send every week!”

“They’re _using_ you, Elsa! They’re _manipulating you_ , do you not remember the last thing they said to you when we started dating?!”

“I remember _very well_ what they said to me, Anna, don’t you _dare_ imply otherwise.”

“They shut you out, they tore your life down around you, and then they _laughed_ about it, talked _shit_ on us to _everyone_ , paraded that _douchebag_ around like he was their son. They never sent us _anything_ , for Christmas or your birthday or our wedding, they’ve _tried_ to make things worse for us! And then suddenly you give birth and it’s all they want in the world to reconnect with you— _they don’t care about you, Elsa._ They don’t care about Olaf, they just care about _them_ , it’s always _them_ , and don’t say it’s _not!_ Did they write you back into their will as they tried to steal our son from us?”

“What do you want me to do?!”

“Tell them no! Tell them to fuck off, because that’s what they did to you! Tell them to stop dictating my kid’s life and stop _stealing_ him from me! He’s _my_ son, too, Elsa!”

“Why do _you_ care?! You’re never around for him _anyways!_ ”

Everything stopped. The air turned thick and it was hard to breathe. Anna wasn’t moving, not even breathing. Her eyes were wide and her face bloodless. Elsa felt sick to her stomach.

_I didn’t mean to say that._

Elsa closed her eyes and cried.

_I didn’t mean to say that._

She sat down on the couch and held her head in her hands. Her body trembled and her eyes wet but she didn’t sob. She didn’t make a single sound. Neither did Anna. There wasn’t a sound to be heard other than her own thoughts screaming at her.

_Tell her you’re sorry, you didn’t mean to say that, you’re sorry, I’m sorry, Anna, you’re right, I’m so sorry..._

“Is that what they tell you?”

_Yes._

Elsa didn’t answer.

Several minutes seemed to pass before Anna finally moved. Elsa listened to her walk away, her footsteps hard and hurried. She heard the shuffling of fabric as Anna ripped her coat off a hanger. She listened to her harsh breathing as she struggled to put her shoes on. There was a harsh jingling of keys alongside the angered, plodding footsteps as her wife tore open the front door, stormed outside, and then slammed it shut.

Elsa was alone.

“Why did you say that to her...”

Every single damn time she had to take Olaf over there, Elsa hated it. Listening to her parents make passive-aggressive comments about Anna, about the military, about queer people, meanwhile singing praises about _him_ to her face—worded just so that Olaf wouldn’t know what they were talking about, but Elsa knew everything. She couldn’t confront them in front of Olaf but every trip ended the same way—confronting them, trying not to break down in tears as they calmly attacked her and her life and everything she was trying to build with Anna, defending herself, defending _Anna,_ having to listen to their patronizing comments, to hear them scoff and dismiss her, talk down to her.

“ _Anna’s just not fit to be a mother, Elsa, surely you’ve realized that. People in the military can’t handle children. Olaf needs a strong father figure in his life, someone who will be there for him.”_

And then Elsa came home to a heartbroken wife and made herself pretend everything was okay.

She just wanted everyone to be happy.

_What is wrong with me._

“Are you and Mama done fighting?”

Elsa screamed and jumped back onto the couch, drawing her legs to her chest. Olaf had slid out from under the couch, his brow furrowed and his lips set in a pout. He stared up at her with pleading eyes.

“Olaf, how on earth did you get under there?”

Olaf’s frown deepened. “You started yelling. You and Mama said really mean things.”

Elsa ran a hand down her face. It was silly to think Olaf couldn’t hear all that yelling and screaming, but she was hoping by some miracle that he had managed to distract himself with his toys. Or a video game. Something.

“Everything will be okay, Olaf. Don’t worry.”

“It doesn’t _sound_ okay. Mama sounds hurt.”

Elsa tried to swallow down the lump in her throat, but the aching in her chest only grew. “She’s... she’s not happy right now, no.”

Olaf scrunched his eyebrows together as he stared at the ceiling. Elsa could practically see the cogwheels spinning in his brain. _What on earth is he thinking about?_

“Mommy?”

“Yes, Olaf?”

“Why do Nana and Papa hate Mama?”

Elsa froze.

“Is that why she’s hurt?”

_Oh no._

Olaf was staring at her, waiting for an answer. Elsa kept opening and shutting her mouth, but words never came. Olaf had understood everything that was going on between her and her parents. She closed her eyes and shook her head.

“It’s time to go to bed, Olaf.”

“I don’t wanna.”

Elsa opened her eyes and fixed her son with a stern stare. He had his arms crossed and lips set into a petulant pout, glaring back at her.

_I swear to god, he certainly doesn’t get that from me._

“Now, Olaf.”

“It’s Mama’s turn to read me a bedtime story.”

Elsa sighed. “Mama’s gonna be out late... she’ll read you one tomorrow.” She forced on a smile. “Get ready for bed and I’ll be in there to read you one soon.”

Olaf didn’t move, only glared at her. Elsa raised her eyebrows and crossed her arms.

“Am I going to have to carry you?”

Olaf raised up his arms without taking his eyes off of her. Elsa threw her head back against the couch and groaned.

“Olaf. Bed. Now.”

Sighing dramatically, Olaf crawled out the rest of the way and turned to push himself off the floor. He shuffled his way down the hallway, arms swinging limply as he bumped into the walls as loudly as he could. When she heard the door shut, Elsa sighed and rubbed her temples.

This was going to be a _long_ night.


	4. Making Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warnings: None that I know of.

Anna’s head was pounding.

“Goddammit...” She pressed a hand to her forehead, trying not to trip over her feet as she stumbled her way to the front door. Nothing was spinning too badly but it still felt like she was fighting against gravity.

“I drank too much, but not nearly enough.” She groaned, shaking her head. It only made everything worse.

_And now my car’s stuck at Kristoff’s. Fucking great._

Anna sighed and walked up the steps to the door. She fished her keys out of her jacket pocket and unlocked the door... only to pause with her hand on the doorknob.

What if Elsa was still awake? What if she was still angry? Anna didn’t wanna stay at Kristoff’s all night but maybe she should have. She didn’t think she could take another argument like that, not so quickly after the last, and certainly not while she was borderline drunk.

_I’m not that bad... besides she’s probably asleep._

_But what if she isn’t._

Anna gritted her teeth. “Well, I’m here, and not at Kristoff’s, so standing out here half-drunk moping about it isn’t going to make the situation any better.”

Silence.

Anna sighed and pushed the door open.

Elsa was asleep on the couch, her head bent at an awkward angle against a pillow and her left arm tucked uncomfortably underneath her body. Her body twitched as she dreamed, her brow furrowed. Because of the way she was lying, her breathing was harsh. Her whole body jumped when Anna closed the door.

“Mmm?”

Elsa picked her head up briefly, eyes still closed. She turned around onto her side, groaning and huffing in annoyance, and then promptly fell back down.

Anna sighed and kicked her shoes off by the door. Walking over to her wife, she looked her over, and any anger or bitterness she felt faded away.

She wasn’t angry at Elsa. She never was. Anna knew the fault didn’t lie with her wife.

_But that doesn’t excuse anything._

Anna swallowed her emotions down; she was tired and drunk and she wasn’t going to deal with this right now. Instead, she bent down and wrapped her arms around Elsa, picking her up from the couch. Elsa mumbled something unintelligible but didn’t wake. She merely tucked her head under Anna’s chin and quieted as Anna carried her off to their bedroom, who made sure to keep from jostling the blonde woman too much.

Struggling with opening the bedroom door, she eventually opened it and carried her wife the rest of the way to their bed. Lying her down gently, she watched Elsa squirm to get into a comfortable position, and then tucked the blankets around her. She watched the expression on her wife’s face slowly relax, her brow no longer furrowed, her jaw no longer tense. Anna brushed a strand of hair out of Elsa’s face, then leaned down and kissed her on the cheek.

_Sleep well, Elsa._

Sighing, Anna straightened up and drew her jacket tighter around herself as she turned to leave. She opened the bedroom door as quietly as she could, tiptoed out, and then closed it behind herself. Taking a deep breath, she started to walk down the hall.

And promptly bumped into something.

“ _Shit!”_

Anna flailed and ended up tripping over her feet, falling backwards and smacking the back of her head on the bedroom door hard.

“ _Fuck!”_

“Mama, that’s two for the swear jar!”

Anna looked up from where she was sitting against the door. Between the darkness and the colored spots that took over most of her vision, she could barely make out a small shadow staring down at her. She groaned and rubbed the back of her head. She was going to wake up with worse than a simple hangover.

“Olaf, what on _earth_ are you doing up right now.”

“I woke up.”

Anna huffed, blowing her bangs out of her face. “I can see that...”

Suddenly the bedroom door flew open and Anna squawked as she fell backwards, sprawled over on the ground. Light spilled in from the bedroom and blinded her momentarily. Blinking, her vision cleared up just in time to see Elsa freeze mid-step, just stopping herself from stepping on Anna’s stomach.

_That wouldn’t have been good._

“Anna?” Elsa’s voice was still thick with sleep, but her eyes were wide awake and alert. She bent down and helped Anna back onto her feet. The world spun even more harshly and she had to support herself against the wall.

“Are you okay? How bad did you hit your head, do you have a concussion?”

“Elsa, I’ll be fine. I’m just...” _A little drunk._ Anna shook her head. “I’ll be fine.”

Elsa was staring her down, and something in her eyes indicated that she understood. She only sighed and nodded once, although she never took her eyes off of Anna.

“You should go lie down.”

Anna grinned. “I was actually about to go do that.”

“I’ll make you an icepack.”

“No, it’s okay, I’ll do it myself.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, don’t worry about it.”

“Are you hungry?”

“No, Kristoff ordered us a pizza.”

Elsa shut her mouth at that. It seemed all she could do was avert her eyes and nod. Anna looked at her tiredly, her frustration ebbing away. She sighed, running a hand down her face. Turning away, she instead focused on Olaf, who was watching their exchange closely.

“You need to get back to bed, Olaf.”

“You’re supposed to read me a bedtime story.”

“I’ll read you one tomorrow.” She straightened her posture and pointed down the hallway. “Bed.”

Olaf snapped to attention with a salute, and then promptly turned to run down the hallway. Before either Anna or Elsa could react, however, he turned back and wrapped his arms around Anna’s midsection in a hug that sent her tumbling back into the wall.

“Love you, Mama.”

Anna froze, her heart pounding up into her throat. Swallowing, she looked to Elsa, who was watching the scene unfold with a fond smile on her face, leaning against the doorframe with her arms crossed. Swallowing, Anna slowly lowered her arms to try and hug Olaf back, but it felt too awkward, so she settled with ruffling up his hair.

“I love you, too, Olaf.”

He looked up at her and smiled. She smiled back and pinched his nose between her fingers. “Now, to bed with you.”

Olaf jerked his head back violently and rubbed at his nose, giggling as he ran down the hallway to his room. He disappeared behind his door and swung it shut. Anna sighed and leaned against the wall, pinching the bridge of her nose. It was silent for a few seconds longer when Elsa spoke.

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

Anna looked to her wife, seeing the concerned expression on her face lined with exhaustion. She only smiled and nodded.

“I’ll be fine, don’t worry, Els.” She gestured back into their bedroom. “You should get back to bed. I’ll sleep on the couch.”

“No, Anna—you sleep in the bed. You need to rest well.”

“It’s okay, you slept on the couch all night. Besides, I’m not that tired.”

“Anna, please—”

“Elsa, I’m fine, go to bed.”

“Anna.”

“No.”

“Anna!”

“No!”

They were glaring at each other, halfway down the hallway, when Elsa’s stomach growled loudly. She closed her eyes and groaned. Anna smiled.

“You never ate, did you.”

Elsa shook her head and smiled back when Anna laughed.

“C’mon, I’ll heat something up for you.”

“Only if you’ll let me make you an icepack.”

“Deal.”

They walked over to the kitchen and Anna took a container of Chinese food out of the fridge and into the microwave. As it heated up, she walked over to the couch and turned the tv on. She was flipping through their movies when Elsa joined her on the couch, food and icepack in hand.

“What are you in the mood to watch?”

“Anything that’ll put me to sleep.” Elsa put the food on the table and then turned to her and gently ran her free hand over the back of her head. Anna winced.

“Sorry, does it hurt bad?”

“A little worse than I thought it would.”

Elsa leaned down and kissed the back of her head. Anna felt her face grow hot, warmth blooming in her chest, as Elsa placed the icepack and applied pressure.

“Better?” she asked with a smile on her face.

“Loads. Thanks, dear.”

Elsa kissed her temple, lowering her hand to Anna’s back and rubbing in slow soothing circles. Anna took her hand gently into her own and squeezed.

“I’m sorry, Anna.”

“I know...” Anna took a deep breath, her body trembling. “I’m sorry, too.”

They stayed like that for a long time, leaning into each other. The raw energy between them hung in the air, thick and uncertain. It had never left, they knew, but it could wait a while longer.

In this moment, they were all that mattered, and they had all the time in the world.

 


	5. Welcome Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warnings: It starts to get rather heavy towards the end, so take caution.

Nine months... it was only for nine months.

Elsa kept telling herself that, repeating it over and over in her head, committing it to memory. Only nine months. Anna had been deployed before for even longer than that before. This was nothing... this was manageable. She could do this, she _had_ to. This was what it meant to marry Anna. She knew that, she didn’t care, she loved Anna too much to care.

Didn’t make it any less difficult.

Anna stalled at the gate, fiddling with the straps of her bag. Elsa watched her closely. The stoic expression on her face, the hardened look in her eyes... on the surface, she seemed fine, if out of character. But fifteen years of loving Anna and learning who she was as a person allowed Elsa to see past the cracks that most other people would not see. She could still sense the small flutter of anxiety tightening somewhere deep within Anna, mirroring her own inner storm.

It was always so uncertain, what would happen between now and when Anna would come back home... if she would even come back home at all...

Elsa took a deep trembling breath and Anna finally turned to look at her. She smiled and held out her arms. Elsa rushed the few steps forward into her wife’s embrace and gripped her tightly. Her body trembled as Anna held her and whispered soothing words.

“Please come back.”

“Of course I will.”

They stood there for a few minutes. Elsa didn’t want to let go. She was so afraid. She didn’t want to say goodbye anymore. She was so sick and tired of it, why did she _ever_ think it’d get easier? It didn’t, it got worse and worse with each passing year, and she was tired. She just wanted Anna to stay home.

_No more goodbyes, Anna... please..._

Eventually, Anna let Elsa go, sending her a gentle smile. Elsa’s vision blurred and she looked away; she didn’t want Anna to see her crying. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Anna turn and ruffle Olaf’s hair.

“You be good for your mother.”

“Yes, Mama.”

“Do well in school.”

“...Even _math?_ ”

“Yes, Olaf, even math.”

Olaf groaned and Anna giggled. When Elsa turned back, her wife was kneeling down to wrap Olaf in a tight hug. Their son laid his cheek on her shoulder and she kissed him softly on the back of his head.

“I’ll miss you, Mama.”

“I’ll miss you, too.”

“Will you call us for your birthday?”

“I’ll try my best to.”

“And mine, too.”

“Of course, silly.”

Anna stood up, ruffled his hair once more, and then looked to Elsa. The blonde sighed, running a hand through her hair.

“Don’t worry too much about me, Els.”

Elsa scoffed. “Don’t worry... right.”

Anna smiled softly and took Elsa gently by the face. Elsa closed her eyes as she felt Anna’s lips brush tenderly against her forehead, and then Anna’s smell, touch, and presence was gone. She watched her wife turn and walk through the gate, and eventually out of sight.

Olaf tugged on her shirt. “Mommy, can we go watch Mama’s plane take off?”

Elsa sighed. She took Olaf by the hand as she led him away. “Of course we can. Let’s go find a good place to sit.”

They eventually found a window to sit down by, and watched as the plane took off.

And like that, Anna was gone.

* * *

_You are my sunshine_

* * *

The house was eerily silent.

Elsa kicked the door shut behind herself with her foot. She surveyed the entryway, the living room, the kitchen. Anna was sitting in the couch eating her breakfast that very morning.

“ _Did you get any sleep last night?”_

“ _Sorta? I’m probably gonna knock out on the plane ride anyways.”_

“ _At least lie down for a few hours.”_

“ _I’ll be fine, Els, don’t worry.”_

Anna had fallen asleep fifteen minutes later.

Elsa sighed, kicking her shoes off into the corner. She held onto Olaf as he slept and walked into the hallway and towards his bedroom. Elsa nudged the door open with her shoulder and made her way through the avalanche of toys over to Olaf’s bed. He stirred briefly as she settled him down and under this covers, but quickly quieted. Humming softly, she tucked the blankets in underneath his chin and leaned down to place a gentle kiss on his forehead.

“Good night, Olaf.”

Elsa walked to her bedroom alone.

When she got to her room, she paused for a moment to take it all in. It seemed so empty without Anna. Without her gentle smile, quirked to one side as she held her arms out to her, without the laughter in her voice. Elsa could still hear her, still see her there now.

She sighed, closed the door, and prepared for sleep.

Five minutes later she crawled into bed, now properly showered and dressed in her pajamas, and snuggled into the blankets as far as she could. Elsa sighed, lying on her back and staring up at the ceiling. A few minutes passed by.

She looked to her left.

She could see Anna lying there, sleeping. Limbs sprawled out everywhere, mouth open, probably snoring. There was a warm fluttering in her chest and Elsa felt herself smile. Turning on her side, she reached her hand out and clutched onto the sheets. They smelled of Anna’s presence, pushed down from when she lay there the night before.

“Good night, Anna...” she whispered as she closed her eyes.

“I love you.”

* * *

_My only sunshine_

* * *

It was the fourth letter they had sent since Anna left.

Elsa sighed and shut the mailbox, tucking the mail—bills, mostly—under her arm as she walked back inside. She shut the door behind her with her foot and then walked over to the couch, throwing the mail onto the table. She plopped down on the couch with a groan, glaring at the ceiling.

She could hear Olaf playing with his toys in his room.

Looking to the pile of envelopes and advertisements, she could see _it_ stand out from the rest, her mother’s normally-elegant handwriting practically screaming at her. It seemed to have been written in a frenzy; her parents must have been furious with her, but knowing them, they were doing their best not to come off that way.

Elsa hadn’t spoken to them since her last visit.

They always liked to pester her even more than usual when Anna left for deployment, so normally this wouldn’t be any more of a big deal than it already was. Her phone was almost always ringing, and on the other end would be one of her parents—usually her mother—inquiring about the next time they’d get to see Olaf. Normally she took him to see them once a month—leave Friday night and come back Sunday night—but since her and Anna’s fight, she couldn’t stomach the thought of it. Not after what she ended up doing to Anna. So for the past nine months, she had cut off all contact with them, and that, of course, meant all hell broke loose. Two ignored phone calls a day turned into seven, and their letters started to get angrier, demanding answers that she never gave.

Now with Anna gone the past two weeks, they were trying to endear themselves to her, just one visit with Olaf, _please_ Elsa... and _Hans_ is in town, you should go visit him, it wouldn’t hurt to talk with an old friend once in a while...

Elsa stopped reading them after that first one.

“Mommy?”

Elsa snapped out of her reverie and looked over to where Olaf stood by the hallway, a notebook clutched in his hands.

“Are you doing your homework, Olaf?”

“Yes.”

She raised an eyebrow at him. He looked down at his feet.

“No.”

Elsa smiled. “Do you need help?”

“I hate math.”

Elsa couldn’t help but smile.

“ _Fuck this! I can’t do math, I don’t get it. Who’s the evil son of a bitch who invented this shit.”_

“ _I quite enjoy it.”_

“ _You would... you’re a business major.”_

Elsa shook her head and sat up, running her hands down her face. “Alright... go sit at the table and let me take a look at it.”

Olaf hurried over to the dinner table, plopping down in the chair and flipping wildly through the book. Elsa got up and took the envelope in hand. As she walked into the kitchen, she ripped it into halves, and then fourths, and eighths, before pulling out the trashcan and dumping it all in.

“What was that?” Olaf asked.

“A letter.” Elsa answered as she slid the drawer shut.

“Why did you rip it up?”

“It didn’t say anything important.”

* * *

_When you’re not happy_

* * *

“We there yet, Mommy?”

Elsa smiled to herself as she parked the car and turned the ignition off. “Yes, Olaf, we’re here.”

Olaf wiggled in his booster seat, peering out the window impatiently as Elsa gathered her things and left the car, walking around to the other side to help him out. Olaf leaped out of the car and ran up the steps to the house. Kai was waiting on the front porch.

“Hi, Kai!”

“Hello, Olaf.” Kai knelt down to wrap Olaf in tight yet gentle hug. “My, it’s been a long time. You’ve grown since I last saw you. How old are you now?”

“I’ll be seven in July!”

Elsa walked up to join them at the porch. Kai looked at her with a soft smile on his face, and she returned it hesitantly, averting her eyes. “Hello, Elsa. How have you been?”

“...I-I’ve been well, thank you, Kai.”

“And how is Anna?”

“She’s... she’s doing well. She’s currently on deployment.”

Kai nodded, a look of sympathy shining in his eyes. Elsa tried to convey as much of a silent apology as she could in the look she gave him, wringing her hands together. His smile only grew, and he gestured towards his house.

“Come, let’s go inside. I’ve cooked us up something delicious to eat, if I do say so myself.”

“Can I have cookies and chocolate milk?”

“Olaf—”

Kai laughed, halting the lecture Elsa was about to give Olaf, and the tension she felt knotting in her stomach seemed to untangle itself. “Perhaps afterward, for dessert. I think that would make a splendid dessert, actually.”

“Yeah!”

“That is... if your mother says yes.”

Olaf fixed Elsa with pleading eyes, bottom lip jutting out in a pout. Elsa thought of Anna and sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. Her wife would have been begging right alongside their son.

“ _I’m an incurable chocolate addict, Elsa, I can’t help it. And you’re gonna have to live with it, if we’re going to be married for the rest of our lives.”_

“Alright,” Elsa said with a smile, “just this once.”

* * *

_My skies are grey_

* * *

It was early morning.

“Mama!”

Anna’s smiling face took up the screen of Elsa’s laptop. Her smile was wide and her eyes bright and happy, although Elsa couldn’t help but notice the weariness that seemed to weigh her down. Her whole body seemed to sag, her shoulders drooping, and her eyes were lined with dark circles. Nonetheless, she exuded a definite cheeriness and seemed to straighten a little at the sight of her wife and son.

“Hello, Olaf.”

“Happy birthday!”

Anna giggled. “Thank you.”

“Happy birthday, dear.”

Anna looked to Elsa, her smile turning softer, fonder, and Elsa felt her chest tighten. “Thank you, Elsa.”

“How are you doing?”

Anna shrugged. “As good as ever.”

Elsa’s worry must have shown on her face, because Anna laughed softly and shook her head. “I told you not to worry, Els.”

“I told you that would be impossible.”

“No, you didn’t.”

“Well, I’m telling you now.”

Anna smiled. “You’re too sweet. But for now, don’t worry. For me? For my birthday?”

There was a pleading look in her eyes and Elsa found herself nodding almost immediately. “Alright, then.”

“When are you coming home, Mama? We already picked out a present for you!”

Anna smiled sadly. “That’s very thoughtful, thank you. But I won’t be coming home for another six months, I’m sorry, Olaf.”

“And then we can give you your present?”

Anna giggled. “Of course, I can’t wait to see what it is.”

“It’s great!”

Elsa smiled and took Olaf gently by the hand. “Olaf, let’s show Mama her birthday cake.”

“Oh! Right!”

As Olaf scampered off to the kitchen, Elsa got up and started to bring the laptop over to the kitchen. Anna’s voice filtered through the speakers. “And how are _you_ doing, dear?”

Elsa looked into Anna’s tired eyes and saw concern.

She grinned as best as she could. “As good as ever.”

Anna smiled wistfully.

“I miss you, Anna.”

“I miss you, too, Elsa. I’ll be home soon enough, don’t worry.”

“Please.”

“Look, Mama!”

They reached the kitchen table before Anna could say anything else. Olaf plopped down in a chair across from where Elsa situated the laptop and held out his hands to present the cake. ‘Happy Birthday Mama’ was scrawled on the top of the cake in red icing. Two candles, ‘33’, were placed in the center, unlit.

“Wow! Now that’s a birthday cake!”

“It’s chocolate! I helped Mommy bake it!”

“It looks delicious, Olaf! You two did a good job. Wish I could be there to have some.”

“It’s okay, Mama, I’ll eat the whole thing!”

“You’ll have one slice, Olaf.”

Olaf pouted at Elsa as Anna laughed loudly from the laptop. Elsa stared him down but the boy didn’t relent. “How about two slices?”

“One.”

“Two!”

“Olaf, remember what I told you,” Anna said, trying hard to smother her laughter and hide her smile. “Listen to your mother.”

Olaf groaned. “Fine, one slice.”

Anna smiled. “Thank you, Olaf.”

Elsa took the lighter into her hand and lit the candles, and then they started to sing. Anna listened the whole time with her chin resting on one hand, eyes closed. She seemed at peace, as if all her troubles had left her, and in that moment, maybe they had. When she opened them, she smiled softly, and Elsa felt a pang in her chest at the emotion in her eyes. Yet a second later she was smiling that crooked smile again.

“Olaf, you wanna blow out the candles and make a wish for me?”

“Ma’am, yes, ma’am!”

“Make it a good one!”

Olaf closed his eyes, biting his lower lip, his mouth quirked into an eager smile. He took a few moments, brow furrowed as he thought hard. Then he opened his eyes, leaned forward, and blew the candles out.

“Happy birthday, Mama!”

“Happy birthday, Anna.”

* * *

_You’ll never know, dear_

* * *

“Ms. Arendelle?”

Elsa looked up from her desktop, peering over her glasses. “What is it, Cindy?”

Her PA stood as straight as possible, though there was an uneasy tenseness to her shoulders. Brushing dirty-blonde hair out of her eyes, Cindy cleared her throat and said, “Your... your mother’s on the phone again.”

Elsa felt herself physically recoil and groaned, holding her head in both hands. Anger rose and twisted in the pit of her stomach. Hissing, she tore her glasses off and threw it down on the desk, wincing when Cindy flinched. Elsa ran a hand through her hair, mussing up her ornate bun, and sighed.

“Tell her I’m busy, Cindy. If she wants to speak with me, she needs to make an appointment.”

“And... if she wants to make an appointment?”

Elsa almost laughed. It instead came out as a dry scoff. She looked to Cindy, a look of concern written clearly on her PA’s face, and sighed.

“Tell her I’m booked.”

Cindy nodded once, turning on her heels and leaving. At the quiet click of the door closing, Elsa slumped in her chair and glared up at the ceiling. She was sick of dealing with this.

It had been almost a year now since she had anything to do with her parents, and their excessive calls and letters had started to slow down, giving Elsa hope that they were finally dropping their attempts to force their way back into her life. But with Olaf’s birthday coming up, they started to pester her again, and the messages they left on her voicemail were very clear in their determination to be there for Olaf’s birthday. They spoke with an edge to their voices, like she had already given them permission to show up, and Elsa knew they wouldn’t back down from their decision.

It was too much for Elsa.

Olaf’s birthday came and went a couple weeks ago. She and Kai had set it up at his house as it would seem—unlike herself—her parents never bothered to stay in touch with their old butler after he and Gerda retired. He immediately said yes and she barely had to explain a single thing. He even invited them to spend the night, knowing just as well as Elsa did that her parents were stubborn individuals with a vocabulary sorely lacking in the word ‘no’ unless it pertained to themselves.

It went splendidly. Olaf had the time of his life, between getting loads of new presents and playing party games with his school friends. He _tried_ to start a food fight, but Elsa quickly put an end to that before it even had the chance to start. But she was happy for Olaf... and she was thankful for Kai helping her out, even after being out of touch for so long.

And then at night, Anna called on Skype. Olaf spent the whole call showing off every single one of his new toys. There was a light in his eyes that brightened every time Anna responded with equal enthusiasm, and it hadn’t left since.

Elsa wished she could feel as excited as her son did.

The next day, there was a very angry letter attached to her door. Elsa didn’t read it, but she didn’t have to. She already knew what it said.

Another knock came to the door.

“Ms. Arendelle...?”

“Is she still on the phone?”

Cindy paused, fiddling with her blouse. “Erm... yes, I’m afraid so.”

Elsa smiled thinly.

“Transfer her over.”

Cindy did a double-take, her face lined with shock. “Are you sure?”

“Yes, Cindy.”

Cindy hesitated, clearly distraught and thinking this to be a bad idea, but she nodded anyways and disappeared behind the door. Elsa waited for a while, eying her phone. The second stretched by and she was half-tempted to check her watch. It was agony to wait.

Sure enough, her phone rang.

Elsa picked it up, thumbed the hook, and then slammed the phone back down.

* * *

_How much I love you_

* * *

The phone woke her up at midnight.

Elsa blinked, not even aware she was awake until the darkness of her dreamless sleep faded away. Rain was falling hard against the window, almost drowning out the muffled ringing. She shook her head, turning on her side and groaning groggily as she fumbled in her bedside drawer for her cellphone. The bright light blinded her for a moment, and she squeezed her eyes tight against both pain and the still-present weariness of sleep. She yawned as she tapped the phone and brought it up to her ear.

“Hello?”

“Hello, I am Captain Mulan from Company A, 368th Battalion, of the 501st Military Intelligence Brigade, in Camp Parks, California.”

Elsa’s eyes snapped open.

“Is this Elsa Arendelle?”

She knew what this call was for.

“...Y-yes.”

She had been dreading it for the past nine months.

“Ms. Arendelle, we have important news regarding your wife. While on a mission, Anna Bjorgman was seriously injured when her convoy ran into a roadside IED.”

_No._

_No, no, no, no, no._

* * *

_Please don’t take_

* * *

“ _Do you remember this place?”_

“ _Of course... this is where you almost broke your neck trying to climb that tree.”_

“ _No, you doof, this was our first date.”_

“ _Oh, that too, I suppose.”_

“ _Ugh, honestly, Elsa, I tried to be romantic and you_ ruined _it.”_

“ _Every moment with you is romantic.”_

“ _Ugh.”_

“ _So, you brought me to the place where we had our first date and you almost killed yourself trying to show off like usual.”_

“ _Okay, fine. Yes, I did.”_

“ _It’s a great place to celebrate our fourth year.”_

“ _Yes, it is. It’s really special to me.”_

“ _Oh... it is?”_

“ _Yeah, why else would I bring you here?”_

“ _Oh... I’m sorry, Anna, I didn’t—”_

“ _Don’t apologize, your sarcastic brand of humor makes my day.”_

“ _It really is lovely. Thank you for bringing me here.”_

“ _Thank you... for just plain being with me. And putting up with me. I know I’m not the easiest person to have a relationship with, but... you mean the world to me, Elsa, and I’m so damn lucky to have you in my life.”_

“ _Stop, you’re gonna make us both cry.”_

“ _But I mean it. I love you, Elsa.”_

“ _I love you, too... with all my heart and soul. You know... this is gonna sound silly but, sometimes I dream we’re living together... for the rest of our lives.”_

“ _Really?”_

“ _Yeah...”_

“ _We can make that a reality, you know.”_

“ _We can... we—wait, what?”_

“ _Will you marry me?”_

* * *

_My sunshine_

* * *

The drive was miserable.

It was night, and so the roads were dark and silent. Elsa didn’t have the radio on. Olaf was strapped in the backseat, and he was just as quiet as she was. The air seemed thick, suffocating. Elsa’s heart wouldn’t stop pounding. Her knuckles were white as she gripped the steering wheel.

Her mind was blank.

Empty.

She turned around the corner and drove down the street towards Kristoff’s house. The porch light was on and she could see a light on through the window. Her brother-in-law was pacing back and forth in the living room.

Elsa slowly brought the car to a halt at the curb. She parked it and turned the ignition off.

“We’re here, Olaf.”

She exited the car and shut the door behind her. Walking around the car to the side, she opened the door and leaned over to unbuckle Olaf.

“Mommy?”

“Yes, Olaf?”

“Is it my fault?”

Elsa stopped. A thick coldness spread throughout her body, radiating from her chest. Something formed a lump in her throat and made it hard to breathe. The seatbelt dangled useless in her hand.

“What?”

Olaf was staring at his feet, eyebrows knitted and eyes wide with fright. “Um... on Mama’s birthday. She told me to make a wish for her. I wished for her to come home soon.” His big brown eyes looked up to her. “Did I... is it my fault?”

“No.”

She said it too fiercely and Olaf flinched. Elsa could only shake her head numbly. It seemed like the whole world was falling apart around her. Distantly, she heard a door open behind her but she ignored it. Olaf still looked scared and guilty. She took him gently by the shoulders and hugged him.

“Olaf, you did nothing wrong. What happened had nothing to do with you.”

Her chest tightened. It was hard to breathe again and she couldn’t even speak for a moment.

She swallowed.

“Mama will be alright.”

It rang hollow in her ears.

Olaf didn’t respond, only nodded. Elsa stayed like that for a while, counting the seconds as she regained control of her breathing, then stepped back and helped Olaf out of the car. She leaned over to grab his bag from the other seat, handing it to him when he asked for it, then closed the door and walked him to where Kristoff stood waiting. Their eyes immediately met.

“Thank you for looking after Olaf for me.” she said as she approached him.

Kristoff nodded. “Of course.”

They paused, standing there.

Neither of them really knew what to say.

Elsa cleared her throat and looked down to Olaf. She tried to put on the best smile she could manage. “Be good for Uncle Kristoff, okay?”

“Yes, Mommy.”

Elsa knelt down and hugged Olaf tight. He hugged her back, then turned and walked up to Kristoff. The burly blonde smiled down at him and ruffled his hair.

“How you doing, champ?”

“I’m doing good. Where’s Sven?”

“I put him away for the night... don’t worry, you’ll get to say hi to him soon enough. Go on in and get ready for bed. I’ll put on a movie for you.”

Olaf brightened a little at that and walked into Kristoff’s house less hesitant, posture a little straighter. Elsa and Kristoff watched him go, and then turned back to each other.

Silence.

Elsa exhaled. “I should go.”

“Let me know what you can... when you can...”

“Of course.”

Kristoff nodded, bringing his hand up to rub the back of his neck. He looked up into the night sky, before letting out a trembling sigh. His whole body seemed to crumple in on itself.

“I should get back inside, then.”

“Thank you again, Kristoff.”

“Of course. It’s what brothers do.”

Elsa swallowed a sob and nodded. It was all she could manage.

She and Kristoff mumbled their goodbyes.

The door closed.

Elsa walked back to her car alone.

When she sat in the driver’s seat and shut the door, she leaned her head against the steering wheel and finally cried.

She cried for a long time.

* * *

_Away_


	6. Stay Strong

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warnings: Injury, panic attack, PTSD/flashback. This one is VERY emotionally heavy.

It was a lovely sunny day.

Birdsong trilled from the trees and through the air, the wind blowing a cool breeze through their hair. Elsa closed her eyes and took a deep breath, inhaling the combined scent of flowers and the food sprawled out from their picnic.

She couldn’t remember feeling this calm before. Why was that? There had been a day when it was the easiest thing to feel calm. When the smile on her face didn’t feel so out of place. Maybe there had been too many emotions between then and now, too many tears she had shed—but that was another time. Those were gone now, replaced by a void where the ache in her chest once throbbed. And there was nothing in the world that would get them back.

And yet this didn’t bother her in the slightest...

It was almost unnerving.

“Mama, do you want more flowers?”

No answer.

“Olaf, why don’t you go get Mama some more flowers?”

“Okay!” he exclaimed as he stood up, an eager smile on his face. “I’ll be right back!”

Elsa watched him as he ran off, stopping only to inspect flowers along the way, occasionally pulling some. She could hear him humming to himself, a jaunty little tune that sounded familiar. She and Anna had sung him to sleep with it many times before.

Elsa sighed and looked to the tombstone next to her.

“He really misses you, you know.”

Elsa could feel tears prickling her eyes as she closed them.

“...and... so do I...”

Elsa lifted a hand to her face and felt wetness gathering on her cheeks. Opening her eyes, she stared blearily at her hand but couldn’t make it out in the darkness. She blinked, confused. Why was it so dark? Wasn’t she...?

Elsa gripped at the sheets beneath her and felt a pang in her chest at the same time realization dawned. She closed her eyes and brought her hands to her face, her body shaking with silent sobs.

_Just a dream... it was just a dream, Elsa..._

Right?

Gripped by sudden fear, Elsa looked to her right. In the dark she couldn’t see very well, but her vision had adjusted enough that she should have seen the silhouette lying next to her. Only...

Elsa turned and grasped at the sheets.

There was nobody.

_No, no, no, no, no._

Elsa leaped off the bed—or tried to. Her legs were tangled in the blankets and she toppled over onto the floor. Panic twisted in her chest and clawed up her throat as she struggled to kick the blankets off. Tears spilled forth and she let out a small cry.

_No—Anna—it was just a dream—it was just a dream, right?_

When she finally freed herself, Elsa scrambled back onto her feet and stumbled towards the door. She threw it open and ran out into the hallway. The darkness was thick and suffocating. Cold dread gripped her heart. Elsa stumbled and fell but quickly pushed herself back up as she raced down the hall and into the living room.

Empty.

There was a soft breeze in the room and Elsa could hear the sounds of the early morning loud and clear. Turning, she saw the door wide open, allowing the cold air to flutter in, and she could make out a shadow.

Heart pounding in her chest, Elsa took trembling and panicked steps towards the front door. There on the porch, Anna was seated in her wheelchair, looking out to the streets. She was slumped back, though, her head lolling to the side and Elsa could barely make out her steady breathing.

“Couldn’t sleep?”

Elsa started at the sound of Anna’s voice. It was small, raspy from disuse, barely more than a whisper. Elsa sucked in a breath and hurried to Anna’s side. The younger woman looked up at her wife and smiled thinly, eyes distant and tired.

“Neither could I.”

Elsa felt the rising panic as she looked Anna over. Her wife looked sickly and pale, face drawn and hair hanging loose. Her eyes, once vibrant and full of life, were now hollow with a faraway look to them and lined with dark circles evident of many sleepless nights. Her chest barely rose with each small breath she took, as if it was physically taxing to breathe. As if the slightest movement could break her. She looked so small and fragile in her wheelchair, her body trembling and twitching. It was too much for Elsa to handle.

“What are you doing out here? You shouldn’t be out here by yourself, you shouldn’t even have gotten in your wheelchair without help.”

“I’m fine, Elsa, I just needed some fresh air...”

“So you just _left?_ By _yourself?_ What if you had fallen?”

“But I didn’t...”

“But you _could_ have, Anna, if the wheelchair was too far from the bed, o-or if it tipped over while you were trying to get into it. _Anything_ could have happened, and I wouldn’t know! You need to think these things through, Anna, you can’t... can’t just _do_ these things anymore, you _can’t walk!_ ”

Elsa’s gaze flicked down to Anna’s legs, eyes zeroing in on where her feet should have been, and quickly looked away. But it didn’t matter. Anna had noticed.

Anna glared up at her. “I was _fine,_ Elsa. I still have my arms, see?” She raised them up to eye level, staring back at Elsa defiantly. “I got into the wheelchair just fine— _obviously._ And it’s just the... lower half of my legs. I just... really needed to be outside.”

“You should have woken me up then!”

“You were tired, Elsa... I didn’t wanna bother you anymore...”

“...Bother me?” Elsa knelt in front of Anna, grabbing her hands. “ _Bother me?_ ” She ignored the way Anna let her head fall back, eyes closing and tension lining her face. Elsa’s heart was pounding too loud, racing too fast. Her hands were shaking.

“Anna, I woke up and found your side of the bed _empty._ Do you know what that did to me? I thought... I woke up and thought...”

_He really misses you, you know._

“Elsa...”

“Something could have happened to you, Anna! Something _did_ happen to you! You were _hurt,_ Anna, and I couldn’t do anything—if something happened _now,_ in our _house_ , while I was sleeping, I...”

_...and... so do I..._

“Elsa...”

“I wouldn’t even know until it was too late! I can’t do that again, Anna. _I can’t._ So I don’t wanna hear about how you didn’t wanna bother me _when I already almost lost you._ ”

“ _Elsa!”_

Elsa stopped. She felt sick. Everything was spinning, felt too hot, was too close together. Her breathing was coming out in short bursts, her chest and throat felt too tight. Everything felt too tight, too confined. She could feel the walls closing down on her, squeezing the air out of her. Parts of her body were floating away but she was still stuck there. She couldn’t move. Her vision was blurry and she couldn’t see.

“It’s okay, Elsa. Just listen to my breathing and follow what I do.”

She closed her eyes when she felt her wife’s cold hands gently cup her face. Anna sounded so far away, Elsa could barely hear her above the roaring and ringing in her ears. She whimpered and reached out, numbly feeling for her wife. Something like fabric caught in her hands and she held on tighter. Anna was trying to soothe her, fingers rubbing softly at her temples while she whispered words that she could barely hear, telling her to listen to her breathing, but it was hard to focus. She let out another cry when she felt their foreheads touch.

“Deep breaths, Elsa.”

Elsa could hear her more clearly now—slow, deep breathing... in, and out. In, and out. It took all her strength, all her concentration to focus on just the sound of her wife’s slow, purposeful breaths. On her voice breaking through the fog of panic—soothing her, encouraging her. Slowly, the roaring and ringing quieted, her heart slowed, and her breathing eventually steadied. Elsa was left trembling, her body still throbbing with adrenaline.

“Elsa, look at me.”

Elsa opened her eyes slowly. She blinked away her tears to see her wife smiling back at her, still tired, still pale, but there was a warmth there that she was lacking before. A warmth she had lost. And in her teal eyes was that spark of energy Elsa had fallen in love with so long ago.

“I’m alive. I’m right here, and I’m not going anywhere. I’m okay.”

At once the knots of tension slacked and Elsa felt herself sag against Anna. She closed her eyes and buried her face into Anna’s shoulder. Quiet sobs shook her body but she made no sound. She was too exhausted, too drained.

Anna rubbed soothing circles into her back, humming a familiar lullaby.

* * *

“Okay, Anna, you ready to go?”

Anna broke out of her reverie and looked up at the cheerful smile of her physical therapist. Ariel was leaning with one hand on her hip and Anna couldn’t help the surge of envy at the ease with which this woman carried herself with. She looked down to the redhead’s prosthetic legs, and then to her own, and something red-hot flared up inside of her. She pushed it away and forced on a crooked smile.

“I was born ready.”

Ariel’s smile widened. “That’s what I like to hear. Alright, Elsa, bring her over here.”

Elsa steered Anna’s wheelchair over to the parallel bars. Anna eyed them with half distaste, half determination. Her hands clenched into fists on her lap.

_I’m not going to fall this time. I’m not. I can’t. I won’t._

Elsa carefully positioned Anna in front of the bars so her hands wouldn’t smack into them as she got up. Ariel walked down the length of the walkway up to Anna and wrapped the gait belt around her waist.

“How’ve you been, Anna?”

“Fine.”

“Any discomfort?”

“No.”

Ariel looked to Elsa. Anna tried to hold back the scowl that darkened her face but ended up glowering at the wall instead as she tuned them out. It was always like this. Nobody took her word for anything.

_It’s pathetic._

Anna just closed her eyes and thought about walking again. She wished so strongly for it.

_Was there anything we could have done differently..._

Anna grit her teeth and dug her fingernails into the palms of her hands.

“Alright, Anna, let’s get started.”

Anna opened her eyes and looked up. Ariel had her hands on the gait belt, encouraging smile in place. Elsa was behind her wife, hands on her shoulders.

“You can do this, Anna. I’ll be right here.”

 _I don’t need anybody’s help. I_ shouldn’t _need anybody’s help._

Anna sighed, exhaling through her nose, and then gripped the bars tightly. She sucked in a breath and then heaved herself up, teetering briefly as she struggled to gain control of her legs—or what was left of them.

“It’s okay, Anna. Pace yourself.”

_I just wanna walk again._

Anna kept her eyes trained on the prostheses that made up her feet, brow furrowing at the still-alien feeling of _nothing_ being there. There should’ve been something there. It felt like there should be something was there but she was looking down at her legs. She could so the prostheses. So why wasn’t anything there.

She took a step.

“Good, Anna.”

She took another.

Elsa was nearby, to her side, watching her carefully. Anna felt so torn. She wanted to scream at Elsa, tell her to leave, go away, she could do this on her own. She wanted to reach out to Elsa, wanted to be held, to cry in her arms, to be told everything was going to be okay. She wanted to shut herself in her room, close the blinds, lie down on her bed, never wake up. She wanted to walk again.

One more step.

She just wanted to walk again.

_What happened._

Anna took a step and stumbled.

Ariel was there to catch her but all her weight seemed to crumple. She fell backwards and Ariel’s hand slipped off the belt. Everything was falling and Anna’s back smacked hard against the ground.

“ _Anna!”_

There was a sound like thunder.

Her world had been flipped on its side. Pain wracked her body but when she opened her mouth to scream nothing came out. Soot and dirt and dust and blood filled her lungs. She was suffocating. Her breathing was harsh and her chest tight, a heavy weight slowly crushing it. Her eyes were burning. The stench was unbearable.

She couldn’t feel her legs.

There was blood, so much blood, and she knew that she was dying.

“ _Anna... Anna, listen to me—”_

_No, no, no, don’t touch me, don’t touch me!_

“ _It’s okay, Anna... you’re having a flashback... it’s not real, it feels real, but it’s not—”_

_Yes it is, yes it is, yes it is, it’s happening again..._

“ _You’re safe, Anna, you’re here with me... please, try to focus on my voice... take a deep breath, Anna...”_

_I can’t—I can’t fucking breathe!_

“ _...deep breaths...”_

Anna forced air into her lungs, feeling her chest expand. In through her nose, out through her mouth. She could hear gentle breathing, slow and steady, and she tried to imitate that. Her body was trembling, the rush of adrenaline still roaring in her veins, her eyes still stinging from the tears, and yet she tried her hardest to keep herself grounded in reality.

“ _It’s okay, Anna... I’m right here, you’re safe... can you look around the room? Tell me what you see?”_

_No, no, no, I don’t wanna open my eyes, I don’t wanna see, I can’t look, I can’t look—_

“ _It’ll be okay, Anna... it’s not real, it’s not happening again, you’re safe, you’re with me... just please open your eyes, when you can...”_

Anna shook her head, a whimper barely escaping her, but as she continued to lie there, reality began to level out. Beneath her was carpet, not bare earth, and around her she could feel the breeze of an air conditioned space. Somewhere she could hear commercials on a TV and distant voices, and beside her, the soothing voice of her wife. Her body ached and trembled, but she was no longer in pain, and it didn’t hurt as much to breathe anymore.

She opened her eyes.

Elsa was kneeling by her head, calm mask set in place betrayed by the evident worry in her eyes. Ariel was kneeling at her side, clearly worried. Up above them were two parallel bars set in place. They were in a large room—like a gym. A door was opened a crack and she could hear the voices coming from beyond.

Anna blinked once, twice, three times as tears flooded her vision.

“Anna, can you see clearly?”

Anna swallowed a sob and nodded. “Uh-huh...”

“What do you see, dear?”

It was hard to form words. Anna kept opening and closing her mouth, but any sound that came out was merely harsh breathing or a small cry. Elsa comforted her, acting as calm as ever. She never made a single movement, not even to reach out, though she remained kneeling over her as if to shield her body.

“It’s okay, Anna, take your time. I’m right here.”

Anna shook her head and opened her mouth to try again.

“W-we’re... we’re at the th-th-therapy center.”

“Good... you’re doing great, babe.”

_No, I’m not. This is pathetic._

Sudden rage flooded her and Anna pressed the palms of her hands to her eyes. She started to lose control of her breathing again. Her body grew hot and tense.

_I can’t do this, I can’t do this, I can’t do this, why did this happen—_

“You okay, Anna?”

“What the fuck do you think, Elsa.”

Elsa shifted. “I’m sorry, I know you’re not, I just—”

“Then don’t fucking ask me such a stupid question.”

“I’m sorry.” She paused, shifted a little. “Would you like me to hold you—”

“No, Elsa, I don’t want you to _hold_ me.”

Elsa stiffened. “I... was going to ask to hold your hand.”

Anna scoffed. She rubbed at her eyes some more before looking up at Elsa. She still looked infuriatingly calm.

“You can drop the act, Elsa. I know you’re worrying over me.”

Elsa sighed. “Of course I’m worrying over you, Anna.”

“Yeah. Of course.”

Elsa just smiled sadly and held her hand out. Anna shoved it away. Elsa swallowed and her eyes misted up, but otherwise, she didn’t react. Anna covered her face again.

“Just leave me alone.”

_I just wanna be alone..._

“No, Anna. I’m staying right here. We’re gonna get through this.”

“Why. What could I possibly get out of this. Everyone keeps acting like this is just some minor setback but it’s _not._ I can’t walk, Elsa, and I’m never going to. So just leave me alone.”

She heard Elsa exhale sharply but nothing else. Anna ignored her, crying softly into her hands. She knew how hard this was on Elsa to watch, she’d seen it before at home, heard her crying in her sleep while she lie awake unwilling to visit those dark places again. She could still remember Elsa’s panic attack on the front porch of their house.

_Elsa doesn’t deserve this... she deserves better than me, she always has, she can’t handle this any longer than I can, she needs to leave, she needs to be with someone who can give her everything, I’m broken, too broken, she needs to leave, she’s going to leave..._

_Elsa’s going to leave me._

_What do you want to do with me anyways, Elsa. I’m worth nothing to you anymore. Why don’t you just leave... take Olaf and leave... make your parents happy like you’ve been wanting... you don’t have to choose anymore..._

_Why am I so broken. Why did this have to happen. I hate you, I hate them, I hate myself, I hate everything. Just leave me alone. Take Olaf and leave me alone..._

“Anna, look at me.”

She peered through her fingers and started when she realized Elsa was only a few inches away from her face. She had a stern look to her face, calm mask in place, but her eyes were gentle. Anna hated it. She glared back.

“I am _never_ leaving you. _Ever._ ”

Anna laughed, dry and harsh. “You’re just happy because I was discharged.”

Elsa’s eyes widened and she leaned back. Her face visibly contorted with hurt, her lips pursed tight. She looked like she was on the verge of saying something but no words ever came out. She just sat there staring at Anna. Anna humphed and turned her head, glaring at the wall.

_Well, aren’t you? Now you don’t get to say goodbye anymore. You don’t get to stay up late at night wondering if I’m ever gonna come home or not._

_You only get to say goodbye once more..._

_Why did you ever put up with me, Elsa._

Silence permeated the air for a few moments. Ariel sighed and Anna could see her out of the corner of her eye stand up. Elsa looked up at her.

“Maybe we should take a break.”

“I think that would be for the best—”

“No, I’m not taking a break.”

“Anna—”

“I’m not taking a fucking break, okay! I’m getting back up.”

Anna rolled onto her side and attempted to push herself back up. She wobbled and ended up falling back down. She was going to try again when she felt Elsa gently place her hands underneath her armpits and help her stand back up.

“You need to be careful, Anna.”

“Don’t talk to me like that. I’m not a child.”

Elsa looked shocked for a moment, eyes wide, mouth open in disbelief. She looked like she was about to argue, then closed her eyes and shook her head.

“You’re right. I’m sorry, that was rude of me. I just—”

Elsa cut herself off but Anna knew what she was going to say. She scowled and looked away, attention drawn by the hands that still held her up. Her scowl darkened.

“You can let go of me now. I’m holding the bars.”

“Anna... will you at least sit down for a few minutes? Please? And drink some water?”

Anna glared at Elsa, but nodded stiffly. Elsa smiled and helped her to her wheelchair. Anna lurched as she walked, unsteady on her prostheses. When she reached the wheelchair, Ariel and Elsa both helped her ease into it before both letting go.

Anna slumped, glaring down at her feet. Or what used to be her feet. Anna scowled at the ugly prostheses and looked away, glaring instead at the carpet. There was movement to her side and she looked up in time to see Ariel return with a glass of water, an encouraging smile on her face.

“Here you go, Anna.”

“Thanks...” She took it roughly into her hand, fingers digging slightly into the Styrofoam. She brought it up to her lips in haste and drank fervently.

“How are you feeling?” Ariel asked, tilting her head and flashing her a sympathetic smile. When Anna fixed her with a glare, she quickly added, “Your legs, I mean.”

Anna glowered and looked away.

“I’m fine.”

“You’ll get the hang of it... don’t worry. It was... very difficult for me, too, when I first started physical therapy. I didn’t think I’d ever get to swim again. But I’m back at it; I’m basically my old self again.” She smiled gently. “You will be, too, soon.”

_Don’t lie to me, just to make me feel better. This is never gonna work. I’m broken and useless and pathetic now. So just stop with the bullshit._

Anna just hummed, gulping down the rest of her drink. She looked at Ariel out of the corner of her eye, watched the way she moved. She walked on those prosthetic legs like they were her _real_ legs.

_We’re the same... so why is it so fucking easy for her when I can’t even stand on my own...?_

Anna huffed, exhaling loudly as she crushed the cup in between her hands before throwing it onto the ground. “Break’s over. I wanna try again.”

Elsa frowned and opened her mouth to argue, but immediately closed it when Anna glared at her. Sighing, she gripped onto the gait belt as Anna slowly stood up from the wheelchair. She grabbed frantically at the bars, her heart doing somersaults in her chest.

_I can’t do this. I need to do this. I can’t do this._

Anna took a deep breath, staring down at where her prosthetic feet touched the ground. Anna felt like she was floating, hanging on only by her hands gripping the bars and nothing else. She gripped them so tight, her knuckles were white.

_I can’t do this, I can’t do this, I’m gonna fall, I’m gonna fall, I’m gonna fall..._

“It’s okay, Anna, you’re doing great.”

_I haven’t even taken a step! Stop fucking patronizing me, I can’t do this, I can’t, this is stupid, stupid, stupid—_

Anna took a deep breath and raised her left foot.

_Can’t fall, can’t fall, don’t fall..._

She took a step.

“There you go.”

_Whatever you do, don’t fall._

She raised her right foot.

“Hey, Anna.”

“Y-yeah?”

Another step.

_Don’t fall._

“I was looking into rock climbing.”

Anna looked at her skeptically. “Rock climbing? What for.”

Elsa shrugged. “I was talking to Kristoff about some good physical hobbies to get into. He suggested rock climbing.”

“Tch... he _would._ ”

Elsa smiled. Anna looked her over for a moment, then focused back on her legs. She took a deep breath, and then took another step.

_Don’t fall._

“So you’re thinking of getting into rock climbing?”

“Well... it wouldn’t be for a while. Not until after we’ve finished physical therapy. And of course, we’d only be beginners, so—”

Anna took an uneasy step, almost tumbling but holding onto the bars tightly. Elsa had her arms around her quickly. Anna closed her eyes and took a deep breath as she tried to straighten herself.

_Do. Not. Fall._

“And Olaf was interested in it, too.”

Anna nodded, trying to focus as she resumed walking. “It’d be good for Olaf... you should get him into more... physical activities.”

Elsa ducked a little to look Anna in the eyes, a smile on her face. “We should.”

Anna glowered. “I don’t know why you keep saying _we_ like I can do any of these things—”

“Because you _can,_ Anna.”

“No, Elsa, I can’t, I’m not _fit_ to do any of these things—”

“Why would your role in Olaf’s life be any different than it was before?”

“You know _damn_ well why, Elsa.” Anna glared at her, staring straight into her eyes, ignoring the gentle sadness she could see staring back at her, the sympathy her wife was trying to convey. She wasn’t going to have any of it. “Olaf needs someone strong to look up to, to answer to, someone like _you,_ not me, I can’t be there for him anymore, I can’t _do_ anything for him anymore, Elsa—and I don’t wanna hear _shit_ about _rock climbing_ when I can’t even fucking walk!”

Elsa smiled. “Yes, you can, Anna.”

Anna glowered and looked down to refocus on her attempts. Elsa quieted as they continued the trek, one step at a time, one foot in front of another.

_Don’t fall._

She gripped the bars tighter.

_Don’t fall._

She was almost there.

_Please don’t fall._

So close.

_Just a few more steps, please don’t fall..._

She stumbled but immediately righted herself. Elsa was there, hands tight on the gait belt.

Anna took a deep breath and steadied herself.

She raised her left foot.

_Don’t fall._

She brought it back down.

Anna stopped.

She was panting now. Sweat beaded on her forehead and the back of her neck. Her shoulders and arms were shaking with exertion. Her hips were starting to ache.

“I can’t do this.”

“Yes you can.”

“No, no, I—I’m tired. I need to stop. Please.”

Elsa smiled. “It’s okay, Anna. Look.”

Anna looked down and her breath caught in her throat. She was only a step away from the end of the bars. Sucking in her breath, she pushed herself up, bringing her right foot up, her whole leg shaking from the myriad of things she was feeling at that moment—exhaustion, disbelief, amazement, relief, uncertainty, and panic— _don’t fall._

Anna brought her right foot down.

She reached out, her body wracked with the emotions rising up and twisting in her chest. She grabbed the front of Elsa’s shirt with one shaking hand, then the other. She buried her face into Elsa’s shoulder, breaking into sobs, desperate, scared, unbelieving. Elsa’s arms wrapped around her body and brought her closer.

She was holding on for dear life.

_Please hold me._

_Don’t let go._

_Don’t ever let go._

“You’re okay, Anna... I’ve got you.”

 


	7. Happy Family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Final chapter! Hope you guys enjoyed it! I'll be uploading the prequel soon; unfortunately, besides the first chapter, I'm still working on it. Second chapter's been giving me a hard time. Ugh. But hopefully I'll have it finished soon, so uploading won't take me as long as it already has. :)
> 
> See you guys next time!
> 
> Chapter Warnings: None.

“Knock.”

Silence.

“Just knock.”

Silence.

“Why aren’t you knocking?”

“They’re asleep!”

“Yeah, so we gotta wake them up!”

“But they’ll get mad!”

“They’re not gonna mad at us!”

“That’s what you said last time!”

“Just knock!”

“No!”

“Knock!”

“We can _hear_ you two.”

Anna peeked over Elsa’s shoulder to glower at the door. The voices immediately ceased and for a moment, nothing happened. Then the doorknob slowly turned and two blonde heads poked in as the door creaked open. Two pairs of eyes stared at her, comically wide.

Anna huffed and plopped her head back down.

“What are you two doing up.”

“The sky’s awake, Mama!” She heard a yelp from Marshall and the door creaked louder, accompanied by excited footsteps. Olaf had apparently picked him up, as a sudden weight was knocked into her and Elsa— _“oof”_ —as Olaf set him on the bed. “So _we’re_ awake! So we gotta play!”

“It was his idea!”

Anna groaned and snuggled into Elsa’s chest. “It’s six am. Go back to sleep.”

“You two promised us we could go for a walk in the snow first thing in the morning.”

“ _Not at six am, Olaf.”_

“Please? We’re already awake!”

“Please, Mama?”

Anna frowned at her younger son. “Not you, too...”

Olaf crossed his arms. “A promise is a promise. And you promised us.”

“Go play video games for a few hours or something, and then we’ll go, just please let me sleep.”

“ _Moooom...”_

Elsa didn’t respond. Her breathing was steady, lips slightly parted, and it seemed as if she had fallen back to sleep. Marshall got up and climbed onto her, shaking her shoulder excitedly. Elsa’s brow furrowed and Anna couldn’t help but smirk.

“Wake up, wake up, wake up!”

Elsa groaned and buried her face into the pillow.

“ _Please?”_

Anna huffed and rolled her eyes. “God, you two are so damn persistent.”

“Swear jar.”

Marshall slid off Elsa into the space between them, staring up at his mother pleadingly. She sighed and slowly opened her eyes. A small smile lifted Marhsall’s lips.

“Do you wanna build a snowman?”

Anna watched with a wry smile. She couldn’t help but laugh as Elsa closed her eyes and frowned. Her jaw tensed and she exhaled loudly through her nose, clearly frustrated.

“Anna.”

“Yes, dear?”

“This is your fault.”

“Yes, dear.”

Elsa made no movement so Anna took it upon herself. She looked at their sons, waiting, and felt her willpower crumple.

“Thirty minutes.”

“Ten.”

“Olaf.”

“Fifteen.”

“Thirty minutes. Take it or leave it.”

Olaf humphed. “Fine. Thirty minutes.”

Anna smiled. “Go get ready.”

Olaf turned on his heel and ran out of the room. “C’mon, Marshmallow! Let’s go!”

“Stop calling me that!” He huffed as he struggled off the bed and ran after his older brother. “It’s Marshall! _Mar-SHAL_ _L_ _._ ”

Anna watched them go, hearing their giggles echo down the hall, before plopping back down on the mattress and snuggling closer into her wife. She let out a content sigh when she felt Elsa snuggle back.

“Mmm... since when were our kids morning people and we had to beg them for more sleep?”

“It’s always been this way...” Elsa mumbled, still half-asleep. “We’ve raised monsters.”

Anna giggled and nuzzled her face into Elsa’s chest. She felt her wife lift a hand and begin to run her fingers through her hair. She hummed and drew lazy circles on her back in response, light as a feather. They lay like that for a while, basking in the warmth of the embrace, and Anna could feel herself start to drift off again in the perfection of their silence.

“So... we should probably get up soon, then. Shower?”

“Five more minutes.” Elsa pressed her lips to Anna’s forehead. “Bed’s too comfy.”

Anna smiled and wrapped her arms tighter around Elsa, placing a chaste kiss of her own to the woman’s neck. “Yes, it is. Sooner or later, we’re going to be stuck in it and never get out.”

“Sounds good to me.”

“Our children would riot.”

Elsa frowned, eyes still closed. “That would be a problem.”

Anna laughed, reaching up to kiss Elsa gently on the lips. “Yes, it probably would be.”

“Still five more minutes.”

“You got it, boss.”

* * *

The snow had fallen all night, blanketing the ground in thick white sheets.

Elsa closed the door behind her and locked it shut. She turned, watching their children run around, giggling furiously as they chased each other, throwing snowballs. Snow was still falling from the sky and they’d try to catch it in their hands or on their tongues. Anna was starting to walk down the stairs, one hand bracing on the railing, the other on her cane. Elsa hurried to her side, supporting her with a hand under her arm as they walked together.

“Thanks, dear.” Anna said as they reached the bottom, leaning over and planting a kiss on Elsa’s cheek. “You’re the best.”

“I certainly try to be.”

Anna smiled crookedly at her before looking up towards the sky. Her eyes fluttered shut as the snowflakes fell gently onto her face, catching on her eyelashes and hair. Elsa looked over the serene expression on her face. She was reminded of that day over five years ago when she and Olaf sang ‘happy birthday’ to her over Skype. How the exhaustion and tension in her face melted away in the moment of getting to spend time with her family, however limited.

There was something different about the calm she exuded here... less exhausted, less resigned.

“You alright, dear?”

Anna smiled, nodding her head with her eyes still closed. She exhaled deeply.

“Very much so.”

“ _Olaf!”_

The women immediately turned to see Marshall lying on the ground, completely covered in snow and furiously trying to shake it off. Olaf was giggling like mad, trying to gather more snow into his arms. But before he could finish, Marshall turned around and grabbed him around the legs, toppling him face-first into his armful instead.

“Hey!”

“Go away!”

Anna huffed, blowing her bangs out of her eyes. “Well, the calm’s gone.”

Olaf was scampering back onto his feet, gathering up the snow in his arms again but Marshall was already running. He ran over by where the women watched. Olaf went after him with innocent excitement clear on his face, but before he could get too close, Anna stopped him by casually raising her cane to chest level. He smacked into it with a startled _“oof”_ and dropped his ammo of snow.

“Leave your brother alone.”

Olaf looked up at her, genuinely confused.

“We were just having fun!”

“Not fun!” Marshall shouted from somewhere behind Elsa. Olaf looked shocked, unsure of how to respond. Elsa smiled gently.

“Try to be more careful when playing, Olaf.”

“But I was!”

“I swear to god...” Anna sighed, shaking her head. “Can’t the two of you play together without managing to piss someone off?”

“Swear jar.”

Anna looked at Olaf, raising an eyebrow. The twelve-year-old nearly matched her in height but she managed to find ways to appear taller than him anyways. Just a look and suddenly she could be towering over him.

Olaf raised his hands in surrender, backing off with a lopsided grin. He turned away and knelt on the ground, packing and piling snow on top of each other. Anna watched him with a mischievous glint in her eyes.

Elsa sighed and looked down at Marshall. He still had clumps of snow in his hair, his hat thrown lopsided and half-off of his head. She bent down and helped him brush off the remainder of the snow, fixing his hat and jacket.

“There, all ready for our walk.” Elsa smiled. Marshall smiled back.

“Thanks, Mommy.”

“ _Aiyyeeeee!”_

Elsa turned to see Anna holding Olaf by the collar of his jacket, shoving handfuls of snow down his shirt. Her tongue was poking out between her lips, trying to bite her laughter down as a smile broke through. Olaf jumped in place, struggling to turn around and slap Anna’s hands away, breathless between his frantic giggling and screaming from the cold.

“Anna.”

She let go and Olaf ran off, waddling around as bits of snow fell out of his shirt, mumbling, “Cold, cold, cold...” Anna watched him for a bit, still looking mischievous and quite proud of herself before turning to Elsa’s disapproving stare with a shrug. Elsa sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose.

“I swear, if you get our son sick...”

“He’ll be fine, it’s just snow.” She took her cane out from under her arm and leaned against it, rolling her eyes at the glare Elsa sent her way. “Kid’s practically made of it anyways.”

_smack_

A globe of snow flew straight into the back of Anna’s head. She stumbled forward a bit and Elsa immediately reached for her, hands already on her wife’s arms to steady her. Anna’s eyes were shut tight, jaw tensed and lips pursed, and when Elsa looked up she caught sight of Olaf running off, giggling as he began to gather more ammo.

Anna opened her eyes, a spark of fire visible in them as she turned slowly on the spot to stare her son down. She handed her cane over to Elsa before leaning down and picking up a pile of snow into her arms.

“Alright, you little brat...” she growled, slowly making her way towards Olaf. He was frantic now, trying to gather as much as snow as he could. “You asked for it.”

Olaf screamed, chucking what he had at Anna as he tried to escape. She took the brunt of the assault, threw her pile at him, and he disappeared in a flurry of white. Marshall laughed and ran off to join Anna in burying Olaf under a constant barrage of snowballs. Elsa smiled and shook her head, watching the three of them run around, laughing and yelling.

Anna had a fierce determination in her eyes as she threw snowball after snowball at Olaf. She showed no mercy, cornering the boy behind a tree. They were both panting, wide smiles on their faces. Olaf occasionally peeked out to take a wild swing and hope he didn’t miss her, but between Marshall and Anna, the battle was lost for him.

After several minutes, however, it was clear that Anna was getting tired.

“Alright...” she breathed, leaning down to plop down on the snow. “Marshall... I leave the rest up to you... Mama’s tired.”

Elsa walked over to where Anna lay down, their sons giggling and chasing each other across the yard. She knelt down at Anna’s side. Her wife’s face was flushed red from the exertion, white plumes of air exhaling between her parted lips as she took deep breaths. Elsa ran a hand through her hair, warmth fluttering in her chest at the smile that pulled at Anna’s lips.

“You’re getting snow in your hair, darling.”

Anna cracked an eye open, smile turning mischievous. Elsa warned her with a stern look but it was too late. Snow smacked Elsa in the face and she was left spluttering, shaking her head as Anna doubled over in laughter. Elsa glared at her, dropping her cane to her side before picking up a pile of snow and promptly dropping it on top of Anna’s face. She smirked when she heard her wife choke and sputter, flailing her arms wildly as she tried to shake the snow off.

“It’s what you get.”

Anna sat up, throwing a crooked grin in Elsa’s direction. Her eyes were full of mirth and love, and Elsa couldn’t help the way her breath caught in her throat at the look of complete adoration on Anna’s face. The clumps of snow stuck all over her only seemed to add to her charm—the picture of being completely and utterly Anna, and Elsa found herself falling in love all over again.

“Help me up, dear? Please?”

Elsa smiled. “Only because I love you.”

“Of course.”

Elsa took Anna’s hand and pulled her up onto her feet. She wobbled a little but steadied herself in no time. Elsa leaned down and picked up her cane, handing it over to her.

“Thanks, love.”

“Of course.” Elsa wrapped her arm around Anna’s, smiling tenderly. “Now do you think we can go on that walk we promised our kids?”

“Marshall, come help me build a snowman!”

Anna smirked. “I think we’re gonna have to wait a little longer.”

Elsa smiled, leaning in to plant a kiss on her wife’s cheek. “That’s perfectly okay.”

They stood there and watched their children play in the snow, laughter ringing in their ears.


End file.
